I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t feel my limbs
and seemingly every minute I tossed and rocked
murmuring and whimpering half-awake half-words,
sucked into tangled dreams and stirred by the wind outside.

and I woke cradling a woman who hasn’t seen the turn of even half a dozen of my moons
who at the sound of my alarm nonetheless nudged me over and held me still against her
where for just one moment I dozed, quiescent
and thought ‘if the world ends tomorrow, this will have been enough’.

but I couldn’t stay, the sun rose and called the teacher in me away
to work lovelessly and fruitlessly (though not for lack of trying, I swear) and ultimately
vivisect my value and aspirations and conclude nothing except
that it was cold and wet outside
and possibly I should take my self-deprecation somewhere warmer.

so here I am, journalling with superfluous line-breaks
deciding what to do with my existence
of which there might be years remaining, but all that matters in this moment
is what happens in the next.
I will have the hottest shower I can bear
wash my hair, put my ring back on,
and then address the world as if this morning had never happened.

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