heart and lies (lonesome winterdaughter)

I have a strange kind of fever and i feel sick when you are near but even sicker when you leave

and songs that never meant anything are suddenly all about you, I think I smell you every time I roll over but my nose and my lungs are empty achingly empty and when you’re here I can’t concentrate on anything else and when you’re not there isn’t anything else to see or smell or touch, nothing rings out sings out into my chest and so many cavities when you are gone there is a vacuum in between my breasts and I think it is going to swallow up the rest of me

I want to turn off all the lights and take off all my clothes and just let my space-sternum vibrate with the sound of your name in my tight lungs because this mortal physical embodied life is just echo of your syllables and in the absence of your movement through the hallways of my househeart everything is so, so still

please come home and rest behind my ear; please put your foot between mine – you radiate so much heat and no matter how I stoke the loungeroom fire the storm of me keeps threatening a blizzard, hail heavy rattling in my tin heart

every page I fill with thoughts of you is one saved from the flames but am I feeding another beast, filling it with the ink fumes and provoking it with the pen’s push

you are a tree-clasped orange and I am grasping at straws to stop from peeling you, from laying the bareness of my flesh next to yours